heart

Recently the air condition just keep worsening..
just hate the super hot weather and blurry whitish misty sky..
this Friday gonna go back KL and I am super excited with that
yesh,for my fourth week staying here and this will be my first home returning
Finally!!!

fortunately I have received my total payout and am glad that I received the job offer last time
one week time hanging around office calling oversea to S'pore dental for brief survey and some simple serving job I  earned my 1st rm900..
and for another 3 days walking all along those 5-star restaurants with delicious food
what I need to put effort on is just to write up the interview summary and I earned another rm800..
totally in a extreme happy mood the moment I received what I earned for my hard work
it's a great chance for me to learn more other than just earning money
and the boss offer me the chance to do intern in her company and keep asking to help her when I graduate..
hahaha,really don't know how to answer her and just take that as another option for me..
not so interested in marketing and research field,part time job is not a problem for me
but permanently? NOOooo
I know that you taught me a lot and give chances for me too
but really sorry that I let you down larh...

So..it's shopping time when I go back..^^
have waited for this moment for so long..
semester break before just concentrated on work and don't really have extra money to spend as I am a big spender and keep buying those useless product..
noticed a groupon offer of Mayfair slimming package and cost only rm68
then with the SO WORTH thinking in my mind called up my friend and lets have a try..
but the moment they hard sale their another so called DISCOUNTED package then I know there's no  free lunch in this world..
I am really not an expert in refusing people and idiotly I signed another 5 treatment that cost me rm700 as the original is rm1850..seems worth right?
really regret for spending my money for that..argh!!
only realize that: Hmm,actually I am quite rich de hor? xDD
big sigh...shouldn't been spending in such a wise way..imagine how many delicious food and nice clothes I can buy with the RM700 :((

luckily still have this thousand plus salary to cover up my loss..LOL
plan to have a simple late celebration with daddy when I go back..
father's day has just passed last week and I think I should treat daddy to have some nice food..
my parents are just old style people and they do not like celebration,always saying that it is such a waste of money..
So, for all my life, I have never celebrate my birthday,neither with family nor friend..
actually I'm craving and hoping that someone would be so kind hearted and give me a surprise during my birthday..
and seems that this will never been worked for this 2 years..
super dissapointed as every time I think of birthday celebration, they will come out in my mind

half year gone and I am still stuck with those old memories..
thinking of how much I've done and in the end how they treat me
I can say that: not only love is blind, whatsoever relation and so even friendship will make people blind too..
you work so hard to prove yourself that you care
what you hope is just to get some attention and concern back
and that will be such a difficult task for certain person

a little care words
a concern companion
even you just simply deal with your own part and stop counting everything on me
it's really hard to be achieved..

ironically, 2 years be with them and I have totally never celebrated my birthday with them.
don't tell me that your b'day always falls on the 1st school opening day and hard to celebrate..
even I can postpone my return to home town date just to celebrate b'day with them..
and the 1st b'day present they gave me is a pendrive, for my 21th b'day....cost almost rm65 and is a broken pendrive some more..
cant work after few uses..
how funny was that?
and here ends my 21th b'day, with a piece of broken gift..

I created a photo album and printed out those memorable photo specially for you during your b'day for second round..and that cost me almost rm40 with those material and printing
I bought ingredients and cooked a delicious meal for you and even give surprise pretending that we were not at home..even I am stingy after cooking, I still done it hiding up busy with these and that..even another she did not joined, I am still proceed with my plan
and when I come back from KL the week before your b'day, I keep thinking  thinking and thinking what should I give you for your coming b'day and I spent rm50 individually just for you with the chocolate bar,cookies and bear..cause I know you love chocolate and cute wrapping..

those all are my special gift after we had the official celebration together..specially from me and I did it all alone..
I am not caring on how much I've spent, but you just cant see my heart and my sincere..
for a person that never celebrate b'day with cake, it is just my dreamt b'day suprise and I gave all my best to you all..
I tried so hard to have a great memories with them and every time I am the one that keep snapping photo, as a sign of memories and fun we went through..
there were always them in our photo and I tried to snap those naturally, nice photo
and what they really did is keep uploading my ugly and purposely photo..
no surprises at all and I even don't mind if you upload, as long as it keeps all of us happy..
but when I snapped photo that you think is ugly you will just delete it and prohibit me from exposing them..even you get mad when those so called ugly photo get posted..
what for? life is just for fun sharing and even I can allow you to do so, why cant you?

this is what I call as the heart...
you have the heart, even a small little thing you will notice
and with heart, even you give me the cheapest ever gift I will still smile sweetly..
but with regret I could tell, I cant feel your heart..
not only in the b'day manner, even in daily life also the same..

super big sigh, I am really out of my topic...from father's day celebration I also can lead to them..it really hurt me most, and I am still in exact pain every single time things relate me to them..the moment I type those above words and thinking of what we've been pass through, even my tears cant stop dropping..how much I wish I could leave this hell place, a place that have their existence and it broke my heart,deeply..

Friday,I am really hoping for your arrival..
1st time in this semester I am coming back to KL and I cant wait for it..
shopping
celebration
and maybe time to meet with old old friends..
every thing seems so perfect when I am in KL


word of my life that given from you:
We are just normal friend, after 3 years we seperate then no more contact already,so why should I stand and tolerate with you temper?
thanks for the advise and I will keep it in my mind, forever!!
those words keep stabbing me like a sharp knife every single night
and maybe I should remain the old me, just keep away from friends around..
without giving out your heart, you wouldn't get hurt

it makes me see clearer that, even I have less contact with friends in KL, but they are my true friends.. I don't need friends that always stick together, please each other and friends with mask..
and really thanks for this precious life lesson...

am glad that I leave and even I living my single life,daily
I am still happy and relief
at least there are no more extra burden for me to put on
lonely? so what..
I am used to it