be tough

first week of April and sooner will be my holiday in one month time
I can feel the time passes around
day by day and week by week
one semester ends and there start another new chapter of study

tried hard in getting things done
and I started to enjoy the busy life
at least there are things to do
and I put effort in doing things
seeing things completed under my own efforts, it cheers~~

yet sometimes lot of thoughts keep playing in my mind
especially when I let myself blank for a moment
I enjoy the process of getting blanked mind
its comfortable and I gained from what I thought of

have been pretending to be fine for so long
and now only I realize that no matter how fine you convince yourself to be
life ain't  fine at all of course
and it is just a self-convincement to make yourself live better

I am timid especially walking home alone in night and I told myself not to be scared

I am scared to stay in a noisy crowded place and I dont know what role should I play in there

I am afraid of the dark quiet space even a  little weird sound will get me feel unsafe for whole night

hence I tried to act emotionless whenever I face my fear
I wont scream although I wanted to
I wont yell loud yet I wish so much that I could
nothing you can discover from my face
only me myself can feel the fastened heart beat and unreasonable fears

I don't want to show that I am fear or that I am timid
I don't want my unsecured side to be seen by others
l find things that I am familiar with and stick with it
this made me feels secured

I am not that tough as I thought I could be
but I am trying hard to do so
daily challenges get me improved
and as ages goes on you improved too from what you last gained

looking forward for a day that I am a 100% tough guy
that I wont be easily affected by things and people around
face the fear and you are toughest one as you still survive for your remaining life

BE TOUGH!!
and all those worse thing will get lost soon :))