direction

few more days to go and there's March coming...

and the sky recently keep on raining

I do loves rainy days..

sort of sad and depressing feeling

time flew away fast

quarter year gonna passed

and I am still lost and finding my direction around

I've learned not to put too much expectation on things

although I love to do so..

wondering will there be a day

where I could just live without keep thinking what's going to happen the next moment?

imagination of mine is too wide that i would think and expect what i thought to happen

but things ain't all in my control and i hate the feeling when things i expected doesn't exist

I really should come back to reality and face it

I hates when I promised myself that I will change but it goes another way

I hates when I keep on brooking my own rules and live my life meaningless

I hates when find out that I am still the old me

and the expected me my expected plan do not go on

I hates

but nothing I can do

I am really tired of it and I am lack of motivation to go on

there's a sudden passion inside myself the moment I think of the pass

but it just maintain for several certain seconds and the passion gone

when I think of you, I was fully motivated

when I think about how I've been living, I was quite motivated to change it too

but those positive thinking just hold for few seconds

and it has already been replaced by the stronger sense of negative thinking

when I think of my persistence on you for few years endlessly

when I think of the betrayal the untrusted of others

when I think of the society ,the future

for the little moment I don't feel like wanna keep fighting

cause it doesn't make sense for me to fight for as they goes against me

how am I gonna live my life with all these thinking keep playing in my mind

and I keep struggling in between them?

I totally have no idea

but I've tried hard to maintain the missing passion

again and again..

hoping that there's one thing that could motivate me

and made me move forward

to work harder

and to live for a better life

forever