lonely

i just hate the feeling to be left alone in the house..

i just hate the feeling when i am just like vanish in yours life and no one care

i just hate to stay alone like an idiot hanging out alone like idiot without people to be with

i hate

i just hate

but what else i can do

i am just out of your life

i am just leave behind

the wise one

i am mad

i am sad

the moment you out without asking or telling me

and i was like an idiot being left behind

looking at the window seeing you leave and waiting you back

no one will know how lonely the feeling was like

i am just alone!!!!!

you speak and laugh loud outside my room

and i just can listen to your joy but who cares me

i tried to join and every time i join i felt that i am the wise one

no one will truly listen and care whether i am there or not

scene without me there you are having much fun

i just dont want to stay alone in the house

i just dont want to be the neglected one

i dont!!!!

i am hurt

and who can i talk to

i keep on yelling and cried loud the moment i was left alone

i am gonna crazy and who cares

i was left with no one

facing the computer

and nothing can entertain me

ghost are chatting with me

i just need a listening ear

i just need bunch of love and care

every time i walk or cycle i am always the one being left behind

but when you all cycle or walk there are always partner side by side and having fun

and i have noticed for many times ,who cares the wise me

my parents wont listen to me

whenever i wanna share my happiness or daily happening

they just dont listen

and my dad will always scold me half way i told the story

i never finish the haapening he just blame that i was wrong

hey,i am telling the thing i met on the way i drive back home

and he just scold me why you drive out and always make trouble

i dint involve in accident

i dint broke the car

and he just blame

keep on blaming

i wanted so much to share

but no one will do

i just can keep all that in my heart

no one will care

every time i tell myself all will be fine

but it was not

and will not

i hide in the cyber cafe since no one cares

i hang out alone since no one care

no one will know how lonely am i

i tried not to mention in front of u all

i know u all hated me

saying that i am childish and always making trouble

you are not me

and wont understand what was playing in my mind

i totally have nobody to talk to

every time i listen to the joy of you all

i just cant control myself from thinking these

even my parents also dont care

will you

the answer is totally a not

what i have was only you

and now i am not in it

every time same

i also hope there are friendship forever

but that is not suitable to apply on me

when time comes all gone

and i am just left alone

again

烏龜

就如一隻小烏龜般的

小心翼翼地探頭摸索這世界

卻膽小懦弱深怕一個不小心被踩得粉身碎骨

窗外廣闊的世界是它的嚮往

可到最後

它還是得藏進那黑暗的龜殼里

它的保護殼

失

從一個品學兼優的模範生

被四周的人擁戴羡慕著也被視為榜樣

到如今墮落的一蹶不起也漸漸地失去光環

我不再是個中心點

thoughts#2

once upon a time

she used to laugh happily

and there was nothing for her to worry about

she had lots of friends and there were people to share her happiness

as time passed

she gone through a lots

and the happenings changed her

into a easily hurt and fragile her

it leads her to become a more silence and cold blooded person

to hide and protect herself from getting hurt

the relationship couldn't be trusted

so were the people that faking around

this is the adult world and was totally different with the previous world

she cares

but just the way she show her concern cannot be understood by others

and there was no one trying to understand her and get into her world

she have to walk out from the world that she used to familiar with

and she scares

she timid

it was a totally a strange world for her to enter

and she has no confident to survive in such a world

a reality world without protection

she emos

she hope that there were someone could sense her fears

and would spend times to get her along on the way she steps into the new world

she hope that she can met with someone that have the same thinking like her

and would always be there for her when she was in troubles or difficulties

and there were no one for her to depend to

to survive and adapt to this whole new world

she have to be tough and live with a strong heart

she think of her family in a sudden

and everytime she received calls from her family

she would be extra happy and get touched

no one will be better in this world compare with her own family member

they are the one who will totally compromise and tolerate with her

and support her no matter what she did

under her tough faces

there is still a fragile heart and she wouldn't easily show it to others

it was her last protection and she hope could defence it

few times she collapsed and exposed her easily hurted heart

and it was a bad experience to her

yet she persuade herself that she is unbeatable

and will live well in this world

so that people would not look down upon her

for those who treat her well she will repay back with her own way

and for those who offended her she will repay back twice too

these were the living priciple for her to survive in this world

and no one is to deny what she did as they are not qualified to do so

cause they are outside her world and have no rights to disturb her own surviving law

dont ever ask a person to walk out from her world as she already used to it

dont ever try to deny her and saying that she is stubborn to live in her own world

vice versa dont you ever think of to walk into her world and adapt to her

accept her

self identify her

and one day she will discover that her world is the same with others too

棄

我只知道自己是個不討人喜愛的孩子

從小至今都如此

因此

我那倔強的自尊心作祟

也特別的敏感

沒什麼

當你嘗試過被遺棄的滋味后

就會明瞭

寂寞

終於真正體驗到了那如此深入心扉的寂寞感

翻開手機通訊錄竟然沒有一個人可以傾訴

登入了msn通訊yahoo面子書

哪怕是不比以往頻密

那聊天顯示提示音也不再響起

就連要找個人聊聊也那麼難難嗎

只好自己躲在屬於我的空間里

以音樂連續劇及眼淚麻醉自己

我也想在遇到困難時有人可以為我雙肋插刀在所不惜

我也希望能有個人可以無論什麽事都永遠站在我這一旁，撐我挺我

我就是那麼希望我可以是你們的中心——那份歡樂那份分享

可我什麽都不是

原來連我也看得穿自己

那可悲的寂寞無盡地吞噬著我

沒人願意停下那我根本跟不上的腳步

哪怕停下那一會兒讓我追上也沒有

就那麼永遠地我是被遺棄在最後頭的那位

大家都嚮往著前方的歡樂以致忘卻了後頭那心酸悲哀

我所做的每一件事從來得不到他人完全的認同

我說的每一句話根本不會有人放在心上

頻頻失控的情緒這個學期我控制得很好

我只學會了視而不見

而這一路上根本無人認同

人前我無所謂但背後那淚水無人知曉

接近頻臨崩潰的邊緣

就連哭泣發洩我都得躲在角落暗自療傷

頻密的發呆頻密地自我安慰沒事的我只是還未遇上知我的伯樂

在那我發呆遊神的當兒心底那傷口早已埫開了不知多少回

得學會更加的堅強

這世上，根本沒人值得我去付出真心

出來社會那段日子見識了不少可爲什麽我還傻得要那麼做

換來的只是傷痕累累的心

和我不想說出口的一些話

多麼想狠狠地斬斷那一絲的聯繫

多麼的想發飈爆粗可我還是忍住了

是失望

根本不值得我花那麼多心思去在乎關注

我那氾濫的寂寞

只把我跟這世界隔絕得更遠

泄

凌晨213am

俯身電腦桌前

就是不肯入睡

考完了月考，有些累

畢業，離我好遙遠

但我會繼續努力儞補之前的不爭氣

很努力的去證明自己

我才不要衰給某些人被瞧不起

空蕩蕩的內心

就是沒有以前那股推動力

是缺少了什麽嗎?

發覺自己越漸孤僻了

有些厭倦人群的喧鬧

置身人群裡真的有股衝動要大喊

甚至有打人的衝動

可以安靜下來嗎?

今日中午在考場就有爆發的衝動

人群啊，我可以遠離你嗎

自認做每件事都會為周圍的人著想

我不愧天不愧地也對得起任何一方

怎麼就有些自私的人存在這世上呢

非但不挑起自身的責任還要多管閒事做些有的沒的

原來會為人著想并不是一件好事

非但沒人會感激你還會被責怪

這樣生活下去真的好辛苦

無時無刻警戒著自己

我能不能這樣做後果會如何?

可有麻煩到他人嗎?

無時無刻為自己也為他人豎起一個榜樣

我嚴格要求潔淨完美

自然會做好自己份內的事

努力地維持著我一路的堅持

爲什麽世界上我還是要跟隨著服從著他人居多

還差不多每次都得要退步忍讓

難道就沒人可以跟隨我的腳步嗎

我待人處世我一路的堅持難道是錯的嗎

他人總在試圖改變我的性格習慣

可就沒人主動認同我的方案并試圖融入嗎

真搞不懂

stupid again

it has been a long long time

and i still couldn't stop myself from doing stupid things

pressing your number and yet i not dare to click on the 【call】button

i remembered all you told me

i remembered how you smile and share your happiness with me

i remembered the time we chit chat till late night and

you said a GOOD NIGHT

thanks for your very first GOOD NIGHT to me..

it's really meaningful cause you're special to me

i miss the GOOD NIGHT

from you

(>.<)

be tough

be tough..!!

i am the only one that i can depend to

and no one will do..

be tough..!!

i am the only one that feel the pain and overcome it

and no one will do..

be tough please..!!!

if i am not tough enough

who will be there to feel my pain and let me to rely on?

NO ONE WILL DO~~

no way

i am not perfect..

so are you

please stop acting like you are the perfect one

and force me to go by your way

every time i have to listen to your wordy mumbling

asking me to act like this and that

i have my own way to do things..

i have my own thoughts..

who are you to point out that i am wrong?

who are you to deny everything i did?

i am not gonna listen to a person that are weaker than me

and less perfect than me..

so make sure your hands are clean before pointing at me

and telling me that i should go by your way..

NO WAY!!!

thoughts#1

time passed..

and i am still here

doing nothing at all

The moment i seek for HOD advises

although he is pissing me off

i think a lot why am i having this terrible results?

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANT!!!

positive learning attitude please come back to me

please stop me from falling apart..

i really needs motivation to go on..

god bless me