Regret?

I'm the one that always regret with whatsoever I've decided previously
its a bad habit of mine although I knew that regret doesn't help and change anything..

met with an old friend and he taught me alot
nice talk with him and I've gain something in return
found that he is quite matured in thinking things and facing things around
applause to his positively living style and I really  should learn from him

I need to grow up more..
the recent me is not matured enough to handle things
the thoughts and the acts of mine indicate that I still have space for improvement
and people really should learnt from mistake but not keep thinking of the past mistake did..

it is suffering to keep living in the past and
the time you think back you wouldn't have afford to handle the pain and the sad
the regretness of your pass will screw your recent life and ruin it..


I regret cause I did so many stupid things
I regret cause I waited someone that is impossible
I regret cause I let my parents down and I failed them
I regret cause I've wasted my time again and again in doing unworthy things
I regret cause I let people taking advantages on me and I still treat them with all my heart
I regret cause I am not perfect and I always have to learnt from pain and mistake only I take it serious..


yeah, I regret and feel sorry on so many happenings
but there are nothing else I can do now to cover back my regretness
and it kills me for everytime I recall back of what I've done and why I did these

I've been living in the past for so long
and its time to leave it behind and go ahead
I know its hard but I have to try
at least give it a try and look for the difference

I  wanted so much to get rid off the old me
but everytime there are things and I never succeed
I block myself with the past and there lost my motivation to go on..

I really know that and I have to practice more
reality is cruel and it eliminates those that couldn't adapt to it
be a tough person and face the daily challenges as a practice to perfection

I might not be perfect
but at least I get my own conscience
and I've tried my best and there's no any regret anymore start from now!!!

gambateh to my assignment and the coming final exam..
take out some courage and face it!!!=)


Wednesday 28/03/2012
1218am

E.N.D

It has become a habit of mine to look for your daily update
everyday sitting infront the screen and just few clicks

I can see your happiness
I can see how you enjoy your life
your friends
your siblings

I am glad that you are happy
I am glad that you mix well with friends and workers around
I am glad that you have brother and sister that loves you and cares about you

looking at those funny picture of you
there are faces that I've never discovered before
your laughing face
your childish acting faces
your families picture

It's you
the one that love to smile and bring joy to people around
It's you
the one that always wearing orange colour shirt whenever you taking the pictures
a colour that indicates your outgoing and confident personality

there are thousands voices in my heart telling me that I should find ways to approach you again
but just now the moment I click into your profile
for a second I just thought of that I shouldn't interupt your peaceful and loving life again
everything seems perfect and you're enjoying your life
yet without me..

I should realized decades ago that I'm nothing to you
a fact that I never wanted to admit ever since
I keep hoping as you're the one who gives me hopes for times
but your reaction nowadays is giving me a proper sign
a sign that there are nothing else I can do to get to your attention

I'm not willing to interrupt you once again when think of your perfect life
I'm not willing to make your life imperfect with my continuous interruption

just wish the best for you seeing you living happily and healthy
its time for an end for my suffering as for yours
from now on I promise you that you will never hear even a word from me
and I am not going to catch your attention anymore

Its the end..
although I never want it to be
but at the time I started to miss you
please allow me  to have few clicks and view your happiness shown in your friend's profile
then its enough for me and i beat you'll never know that I still can find ways to access to your profile although you've deleted me and put your status all in private

As for you,I'm never exist..
ignore me as usual..

Friday 23/03/2012
0909pm

命

終於看完了【那些年】這部電影
看似很多的的好評，看過后卻覺得不怎麼
典型的台灣青春偶像劇，依舊那麼的沒內容
純粹個人意見并無惡意
還是鍾情于香港戲劇
成熟多了

青春，那曾經的青春
轉眼就過去了
沒什麼特別
就也只有幾件事值得我去懷念

可悲的我
可悲的青春

也許我真的錯過了什麽
但每個人要走的道路卻不可能一樣
我嚮往那樣的青春也是他人嚮往的青春
我不跟風，所以我的青春就這樣過了

雖然不怎麼精彩
但至少那是我的青春
也有著令我難忘的瞬間

很快地，三月就快過去了
末考也快來臨了

從未發覺過原來時間是可以如此的不留人
仿佛一眨眼一個星期就結束了
在變老的當兒才發覺自己經歷了這些年頭

總有股衝動想回到從前挽回些什麽
但卻明白過去的一切已成定局
縱然想改變些什麽卻也是不可能的

每個人心底定會有個夢想
一個不可能實現的夢想
因為我們都得向現實低頭

爲了討生活
爲了將來的日子
我們不得放棄心底的那片夢幻天堂

殘酷的現實逼使人們放下心頭的夢
我也曾幻想有那麼一天我可以過著我要過的生活
但卻明白那是多麼的不可能
生命里總有太多的顧慮太多的責任
阻止我們任意妄為

別告訴我只要肯努力所有的夢都會實現
那是不可能的
因為人們總是貪心的
我們總會要得到更多
那，就是我們嚮往的夢想

雖說要有付出才會有回報
但我更加相信
有時候我們還是得靠運氣的
要做到天時地利人和其實不容易

感恩上帝一路的眷顧
感覺自己很幸運能平安度過這些年頭
當發現身旁發生不幸的事時，我感謝老天爺并沒有讓我一併受難
但有時卻會奢望老天爺能否給予我更多的眷顧
我貪心我也會想得到更多

有些人努力了一生卻什麽也沒有
這就是命運弄人

Thursday 22/03/2012
0929pm

Me

cried for the last whole night
and today is the latest hour I ever woke up in this semester——1015am
I am not that kind of person that woke up late and mostly will automatically wake up before 8am no matter how late I slept

brushing my teeth and looking into the mirror
I saw a pair of red swelling eyes
prepare myself and go for an extra class although I'm free day on Monday

it has became a habit for me to sit infront the computer
listening to music
reading the words from others
and even doing nothing but keep staring on the screen
I love and enjoy the feeling of sitting infront the screen and let go everything

just leave blank my mind and keep staring
its comfortable..
certain songs and certain words will cause my tears to drop
its just me

trying to live a better life
but yet still not determined enough for a greater improvement

I'm really tired
and I've done whatever I am able to
hoping to see a difference on me in this  coming future
cause I don't wanna to be labelled as a loser
ever...

Monday 19/03/2012
0357pm

悟

周末两天的时间
追完了On Call 36
一部不错的电影也带给了人们不少启发

生老病死确实是生命里的一部分
是每个人必经的过程
打从我们呱呱落地那一刻
父母牵着我们的手学走路
花了多少心思培养、教育成才
一路走来到我们羽翼丰满了可以独当一面时
父母却瞬间苍老了退化了

我多想牵起父母的双手
告诉他们我真的长大了也谢谢他们的栽培
我偷偷地在心底盘算着毕业后
趁着毕业典礼我会带他们往北上走走看风景找东西吃
我盘算着出来社会做工后每个周末我可以带着他们去吃早茶
偶尔驾车载着他们去不同的地方旅行见识

我多想多想
但有时却真的也不敢去想那么多

我会害怕
害怕我所盘算的实现不了
爸爸63岁了而妈妈也57岁了
而我这唯一的女儿却只有那22岁
我真的好怕一年内的变化不在我掌控内

记得初中有一年妈妈去了外国
留下我寄宿在阿姨家
某天吃着午饭当儿阿姨接了一通电话
是姑姑打来说爸爸工作时出车祸了
那时的我愣了一下没给予什么反应
事后静静地我问了阿姨一句：爸爸会死吗?
一句我每次想起就会深深刺痛我心的话

我可以很冷静
但心底却会想很多
强忍住泪水摆出坚强的表情
别以为我不在乎不害怕我只是不懂该给予怎样的回应

从来就只有我一人
还有爸爸妈妈
除了他们我还能依靠谁
就算我多么担心害怕彷徨也只能平静着一张脸
又有谁人明瞭那掩埋在心底的不知所措及澎湃的情绪

我真的害怕有一天当我的家里只剩下我一人那刻
我会有着怎样的感受
我不敢想象爸妈卧病在床的时刻我的负担
我不敢想象他们过世时走在灵车后的我会是怎样的心情
他们离开后那空旷的房子就只剩下我无依无靠了

大学这些年我更加的独立了
所以当他们说我依赖时我只会对那人更加反感
没有人有资格说我不独立老是依赖别人
我只是更擅于一个人独自承受一切
人群里当然会显示出我软弱的一面
我享受与被人们拥戴爱护关心
因为我是独女我也想试试被姐姐爱护的感觉是如何
然而这一切却在短暂的2年后却结束了
没关系我搬出去自己一个人住真的没关系
因为我真的不善于戴起面具做人那感觉好累

一个人可以很好
偌大的房子里只有我与另一人

我害怕有些阴森的房子
我害怕夜里暗暗的客厅
我害怕那偶尔无故的杂音
我害怕夜里放学归家那迎接我的黑暗空间
掏出钥匙打开门那刻我总得装着坚强走进屋里
关上了门快步走到楼梯处打开那楼梯灯
再走上楼掏出钥匙打开房门等房间灯亮了再转身关上楼梯灯才回房

每一天我面对着我的恐惧
从来上课我就会跟他们选后排的位置
而现在的我却胆敢一个人坐在课堂最前座听课
我害怕交际却也硬起了头皮找寻我的课业伙伴一起完成报告
我有问题不明白也会到讲师的房间里问个明白
我不独立吗我有依赖谁人吗
就算跟他们在一起我也很少会麻烦他们有什么也会自己解决

我真的很享受自己一人的大学生活
是的，我失去了伙伴
但跟他们在一起我也只是一味吃喝玩乐
在一起讨论的也只是他人的坏话八卦吹水
是的，我的确曾经向往那样的生活
旅行逛街看戏甚至泡嘛嘛档至半夜或天亮
因为一路来家里管教严厉那都是我从不曾尝试过的
但那是我真正要的生活吗?
就这样我浪费了2年的时间

一个人很好
我不需要再包办我们的报告
我不需要再委屈自己打扫整间房子因为他人根本不在乎
我也不需要在一味讨好他人深怕说错话得罪人还得看脸色

我知道她英文不好所以很主动会帮助她做报告
我知道她每个周末回家要下车开门退车进来很麻烦所以早早就打开门迎接她
我知道很多我也在默默地做了很多
结果到头来我只是一个傻子

从来我只会以心去做事
而不会像他人般甜言蜜语
别说你了解我因为你根本不会懂

我从来就学会很坚强
偶尔忍受不了时也会崩溃
但你绝不能说我依赖
因为我可以一个人去逛街吃饭
我可以一个人坐在广大无人的戏院里看着惊栗片
我可以在没人的陪伴下静静度过一天而无需像你般找人消磨度过
我也可以在没人肯啃下那些责任时挺身扛下那麻烦

你不能
所以你没资格说我依赖!!

一段时间了我依旧在意
是因为我付出了真心我也在乎
现在的我们擦肩而过而视而不见
说真的我很难过但却也不会在妥协了
看着坐在我前面的你们我们却如此遥远
你们的欢笑大闹深深触痛我心弦但我还是得坚强
因为我绝不会在你们面前被看扁被当做软弱

请别说独生女依赖
也许她会脆弱但绝对有独立的能力

坚强的面对接下来的日子吧
希望爸爸妈妈能平安健康
而我所盘算的将来得以实现

Sunday 18/03/2012
1057pm

憶

一通不出聲的來電

一封無名的信息

原來還會深深撥動我的心弦

我依然無法忘記差不多10年前

我送你禮物後的那天那忽然的來電

真的有驚喜到而從此沒有手機的我竟然用家裡電話和你玩起misscall來了

而利害的是我們都很有默契撥通電話響了幾下后就蓋下

而我總知道之前那通來電是你

就算沒有來電顯示我就知道是你

你也跟我一樣坐著同樣的傻事

從此我就開始了期待你的來電

我無法確定過後的些日子接過不出聲的來電會否是你

但電話這端的我總期望著如此

這習慣到如今我還是改不了

我真的知道那都已過去

人也總得向前望

但我卻放不下

我說服自己你不會就這樣不管

我說服自己你會想以往般向我身旁的人打聽、關注

我一廂情願地說服自己你就在一角默默地

駕車經過附近

走在熟悉的街道、商場

我總在想會否能再次遇見你

看著你被標記面書在某某用餐娛樂

我真的有股衝動出現在你會出現的地方

我會特意經過你家門前的路

我會特意經過你的店面

然後不經意地往內望了眼

希望能見到那曾經的你

告誡自己不能再這樣下

這些年我卻沒真正做到答應自己的事

我一把這一切當做我的寄託

當我傷心失望或無所事事時

我都會再次特意地經過

不管順路與否

就那麼一眼

就够了

我真的可以放眼將來

但卻永遠也放不下過去

固執也好

執著也好

都10年了

無論我答應自己些什麽

我都知道那只是一種宣洩

不久的將來我依舊在重蹈覆轍

很感謝你當初激起我心裡的漣漪

因為就算風平浪靜了那絲紋依舊存在

我就是犯賤!!

Sat 17/03/2012

1010pm

piece of thoughts

changed the style of my space
a simple and clean design..
I do loved the old one but that doesn't allow music autoplay

finally I found the song Kiss Me from The Fray..
its really a nice song with great background music cover..
and its comfortable to listen to

next week gonna go back to KL
and I cant wait for the day to come
after the Econometric exam I will leave
hope that the wont be any assignment discussion on that period

actually i bought the ticket to go back on 27th evening
because there is an dental appointment for me on the next day and come back again after that
but I still feel that the time I stay is just too short hence decide to change my train ticket date
it's nice to be at home and i wishes to stay longer..
April will be the final examination period and I think i wont be back till I finish my exam

time passes that fast and there will be the end for this semester not long from now on..
must do my revision start from now and I don't wanna to burn midnight oil on the exam week

hoping that myself can be more systematic in all aspect
found that sometimes my response is slow in bit and gotta catch up
I cant complete things or give opinion in a short time given or on the spot
the things that I did or the words that come out from me on the spot is like ungroup data

I really couldn't digest all those information
and you couldn't just ask me a question and expect me to answer it on the spot
yea,I cant answer but just a simple answer and I really couldn't explain further
I will go home and do some searching or revision the the question you've just asked
and next time when meet again I will re-explain again the Q you asked for last time
and what I really need is time for me to restructure all the things only I can present it
quite envy those people that can speak fluent and do things in super systematic ways
I wish I could be the same too,but just needed more time..

home sweet home
here I come on the next week and I will be on the train at this time heading back to KL
hoping that the Econometric exam wont be too tough :P

time will prove to them that I still can live without them..
keep my promise to myself that I will be fine and alright
and I must prove that I am stronger than what they expect
I wont lose and I don't want to be underestimate by others

time will prove and you will see then

Saturday 17/03/3012
0753pm

舊

聽著古老的歌曲

那時的童年老師要我們手牽手

一排人向左搖向右搖唱著離別的歌曲

特別是在三年級時我們幾位跳班生即將離開之際

實在佩服自己的記憶力

我甚至能記住還未上小學的事

就算是一件卑微的小事我也能有印象

記憶好並不是一件好事

他人的每個字每個表情每個動作

我都印在腦海裡揮之不散

當緬懷過去

才發覺那時的自己是那麼的小

到現在的我經歷了多少年多少時光

陳舊的曲子

我的童年一時間湧現心頭

那喧嘩那打鬧那追逐

那曲子猶如棒子般打疼了我的心

提醒著我度過的這些年頭挨過的日子

我記得三年級那年

牽著手唱著這些歌

我也會拭淚難過

年紀小小的我也懂得離別之痛

從來就是個早熟的人兒

我想的我憂慮的重來不是同齡人所會有的

發覺我重來未曾安定下來過

朋友的圈子換了又換沒固定的永久的

小時候搬家幼兒園念了3間

三年級跳班后就轉校了

5、6年級一班朋友

中學新的朋友中二分班後又換了

到中四分文理班又再次分離

中五畢業后認識中六的新朋友

舊的全各自往外發展上學院去了

到中六畢業也散了

偶爾保持聯繫的就只有幾位

怎麼我就沒有一群從小學一路陪伴我到如今的好友呢

人們總會有那麼一班童年玩伴我卻什麽也沒有

我的童年就是讀書、讀書還是讀書

可以說是沒有童年吧

爸媽早出晚歸我寄宿阿姨家到他們放工再接我

獨生女不被應許出門家人也沒帶我出門

我的日子裡就只有家人和幾位朋友

可悲

人群裡走過

開心過

玩樂過

最後還是散了

我好討厭離別

我好討厭變換

我要的是安定

有那麼困難嗎

我需要一個人、一些人

不會在我生命里消失的人

我不要人們就像過客般走進我的世界

最後卻也離開了剩我一個

那感覺很難受!!

反復聽著舊歌曲

特別是那首【祝你一路順風】

不僅小時候

就連現在聽著哼著也會落淚

生命里太多的離別

我真的承受不了

陳舊的曲子

泛黃的照片

就是我的童年

Friday 16/03/2012

0200am

awake

today was a tiring day,or maybe should say yesterday?

keep on yawning in the class and almost get my eye closed while waiting for the lecturer.

and he dare to tell me want to cancel the class...wth..I've wasted time waiting in school..

as usual, it a raining day..

I just like this weather but please rain only when I reached home ya..

can't control myself from finding things to eat...

just felt empty and eating can help to reduce my emptiness.

my dieting plan spoiled..!!

just don't know why,I still can sit infront computer and keep on scrolling

time passes so fast..and I've been countdowning the AM from 2 to 6.

recently just like to sing in the midnight..addicted..but have to control the volume..

I don't wanna be complained by neighbours.:p

those songs are my favorites..

I like the music

I miss the tempo

the rythem

the lyrics

I missed the time having long hairs..

I missed the time i behave like a girl..

I missed the me that never speak Fxxx rude words..

I've becoming worse and worsen.

everything is terrible..!!

where is the intelligent and hardworking me?

where is the girly behave me?

I used to have fun and smile but the time has gone..

things changes..

will everything be better?

the miracle that I hoped for never happened..

God never give things easily to people..

you've to pay your hard work

you've to contribute

only then things will come to you..

Never mind...

time that flew away can't be chased back..

look forward and work harder..

it's the right thing to do now..

and i hope i can keep my word..

Wednesday 14/03/2012

0630am

盼

光陰似箭又來到了三月

找了很多藉口跑回家

其實是很委屈

但算了

就覺得生活很空虛

淪落習慣了就改變不了

偶爾的衝勁是件好事

但誰能告訴我該怎麼保持嗎

徘徊在墮落邊緣

至少我還堅持在邊緣而沒墜落

好想有隻手把我引回正途

那有心無力的感覺很難受

真的想大聲呐喊

老天爺救救我啊

考試

複習

課業

你

我消化不了那麼多

很正面地面對

到最後的負面應對

我還真行吖

我不要光陰似箭

有什麽能比劍更快嗎

期待著結果過程就免了

我盼得頸都長的結果

好期待

peace

trying to get used to the emoness..

its not a big deal and I just need to release stress..

hopefully that's all..

struggle between positive and negative

it's not a big deal too..

life still go on

although I haven't decide which side to stand

its March..

and hurray..

thanks god I have been survive for first 2 month..

and headed for the third..

its exam time now

mid term is coming

and I haven't prepare anything yet..

should start my progress as planned but I failed to do so..

gotta catch up le weih..

I dont hope the history to happen again

keep think and think and think again..

thousand thoughts playing in mind

and I learned alot..

hopes it helps

trying to maintain my schedule

and it works

for just sometimes

I am just too lazy..god!!

must be determined enough to go through all this

and the road to success is just half way there

I am proud of myself that I did it..

no more expectation

no more miserable

and no more you in my life

finally i realize no matter how much I did

things wont change too..

and I should let go..

by the way,29th February is a special day

but it was damn so cold as the broke weather last for whole day long

it makes me in heavy mood and I really don't feel like doing anything

stay peace, my mind

everything is gonna be alright

=)

direction

few more days to go and there's March coming...

and the sky recently keep on raining

I do loves rainy days..

sort of sad and depressing feeling

time flew away fast

quarter year gonna passed

and I am still lost and finding my direction around

I've learned not to put too much expectation on things

although I love to do so..

wondering will there be a day

where I could just live without keep thinking what's going to happen the next moment?

imagination of mine is too wide that i would think and expect what i thought to happen

but things ain't all in my control and i hate the feeling when things i expected doesn't exist

I really should come back to reality and face it

I hates when I promised myself that I will change but it goes another way

I hates when I keep on brooking my own rules and live my life meaningless

I hates when find out that I am still the old me

and the expected me my expected plan do not go on

I hates

but nothing I can do

I am really tired of it and I am lack of motivation to go on

there's a sudden passion inside myself the moment I think of the pass

but it just maintain for several certain seconds and the passion gone

when I think of you, I was fully motivated

when I think about how I've been living, I was quite motivated to change it too

but those positive thinking just hold for few seconds

and it has already been replaced by the stronger sense of negative thinking

when I think of my persistence on you for few years endlessly

when I think of the betrayal the untrusted of others

when I think of the society ,the future

for the little moment I don't feel like wanna keep fighting

cause it doesn't make sense for me to fight for as they goes against me

how am I gonna live my life with all these thinking keep playing in my mind

and I keep struggling in between them?

I totally have no idea

but I've tried hard to maintain the missing passion

again and again..

hoping that there's one thing that could motivate me

and made me move forward

to work harder

and to live for a better life

forever

25/02/2012

在這裡的第六個星期...

很努力地去生活

但卻有著有心無力的無奈感

每一次告訴自己熬過今年就好了

一切就會不同了

我是多麼的希望

時間能過得再快一些

我不喜歡等待的感覺

我討厭等待的感覺

可是我每次都得等

等了多久

等了多少年

我依舊在等

很可笑

在我最低落的時候

陪我走過的不是你而是他

在我最難過而想放棄那一刻

他都會適時出現把新的希望帶給我

提醒著我其實還是有人會關心在乎的

家人的關心

他的在乎

都令我好感動

感動是因為我不懂得珍惜

感動是因為我辜負了他們對我的關愛

他們的期望

我一次次地沉淪

每次一蹶不起后都告訴自己同一番話

我絕不能軟弱給誰看

我絕不能成為敗者

我不能

我不要!!

但我真的好累

累的好想什麽都不理

什麽都不想

對於生活，有時真的覺得放棄會比較好

每天面對的挑戰、那些煩惱

像海浪滔滔不絕地迎面撲來

而自己就得緊緊捉著海灘旁的樹幹不放

才不會隨波漂流到汪洋中

也許等到有一天真的沒那個力氣捉住了

我就會鬆開那緊握的雙手

永遠消失在那驚濤駭浪之中

Waiting For the One Last Miracle

keep looking at the time..

its half day passed..

one day...

28hours..

two days until now..

I am still hoping for miracle..

people says love is blind...

and i admit it..

from the day I know you till now

how many stupid things I have done

how many times I acted like an idiot

and every time I put aside my pride just to please you

I am nothing at all in your eye

there are signs

and every time from your responses I knew

but I am willing to keep trying and trying

and I deserved for the disspointment after it

there's a wall in between us and it was just like an iron wall

but I keep on trying to break the wall and end up the one who get hurt is me

after the pain and time passes for a while

I will keep trying again without taking the last time as lessons

just don't know why I was so determined in this

and I just cant stop

you know what?

I am falling a sick where I see people around as you

a shadow of yours

a reflection of yours

in the year of 2002

I was 12 years old

and it was the first year I met you

there has been 10 years passed and now I am 22

things changes a lot and so do you

but I am still remaining the same..

should I say that this will be the last year I fall for you?

should I say that it is enough for me to keep becoming an idiot and trying to get your

attention?

should I? should I?

I don't have too many 10 years to go..

and I've wasted my first 10

this will be the last year..

the last limit I give to myself..

and I will keep waiting

just like the last time in F6

where the long go you contact me after dissapearing for 2 years

as I thought we will not have any connection again

it's a miracle for me

and I hope the God will bless me for one last time

so that it worth for what I did these ten years.

dissapointed

意料中的等待

今天整天沒課

坐在電腦前

望著面子書的notification

不斷地刷新頁面

忐忑了好久

他有收到嗎

他會回覆嗎

很多的想法不斷湧現腦海裡

雖說是預期中的結局

但難免還是會很失望

之前那股衝勁那樂觀全沒了

我只想像以往般偶爾跟你聯繫

哪怕只有一兩句也好我也很滿足了

我懷念我守候電腦、手機旁那等待

是等待，但至少是有回覆的等待

而不像現在般完全不知發生怎麼回事

靜悄悄的臥室

只有電腦與我

那手機已好久沒有誰人的消息了

我習慣寂寞

卻也害怕過分的寂寞

不奢求什麽只希望能恢復從前般

有個人可以聽我訴說也告訴我外頭發生什麽新鮮事

就那麼簡單

我懷念當初你約我得空出來喝茶

允許的話我會立刻從金寶遠奔回吉隆坡聚一聚

有好多話要告訴你

而不會像上次般尷尬無言

剛剛電話響了那人卻不是你

而是另一個他

有些失望

notification里也皆是不相關我不期待的人

原來抱著樂觀的心態是錯的

悲觀些我就不會有那衝勁去發信息給你

也不會有期望變失望

我掛念的一切

皆在吉隆坡我的家鄉

我的思鄉病越漸嚴重了

>.<

just one more try

I just knew that it was impossible

but yet I still want to have a try..

just a try and i was hoping for a reply

although I knew it was impossible

my heart beat fast the moment I press the send button

take a deep breathe and telling myself to be brave for the last one time

I will regret if never put some effort for trying

I will regret too after i tried as things may not go as i expected

the whole night i cant get into sleeping well

turning around on my bed and wishing for miracle

I believed in miracle

although it never happened on me

early in the morning i woke up and the crystal necklace i wore has broken

it's a sign indicating that things wont go smooth..

and I believed it too

half day passed and there's nothing

I am still finding excuse for that

that he haven't seen the message i sent

that he's too busy to on FB

I am the expert of finding excuses

for others

and for myself

this made me feels better

just a try once again

although I have already know the result

just a try

and nothing much

回家·

最近愛上了回家的感覺

無時無刻都回味著家裡的溫暖

媽媽說：

你老是想著要自己脫離管制自己生活，就放手讓你去外地念書咯

不離開怎麼會體會到到底還是家裡好這道理

原來真的很對

在外頭闖蕩了幾年經歷過挫敗過才懂得家裡的好

我竟然想家了

昨天爸媽送我到火車站

揮著手向他們道別

但火車開走後我竟然在座位上落淚

我親愛的爸媽

我的家鄉

我的一切

都很不捨

他的歌

他的臉

他的文字

他的一切

已成了我的安慰

當接近放棄邊緣那刻

這一切成了我的毅力來源

雖然我對他來說什麽都不是

但他卻是我重視的所有

算是自我安慰的方法吧

22歲

我第一次想家了

2012/02/14 情人節

今天，星期二

騎了腳車去學校上課

在學校打算乘巴士回家片刻發覺我的巴士走了

雨傘遺漏在房裡就只好冒著烈陽走路回家去

而中午我準備好了巴士票在房裡摸了片刻

悲慘的我一出門就眼巴巴看著巴士開走

沒辦法，撐起雨傘上學去咯

雖說有了雨傘但我還是熱的滿頭大汗

他媽的什麽鬼天氣吖!!

校裡很熱鬧

玫瑰花小飾品滿街都是

女生收到花很開心還邊討論著課後去哪慶祝

最後一堂課隔壁那兩小子

嘰裡呱啦了一整天還不時偷偷竊笑

就像兩個在講八卦的小男人

結果接二連三地把桌上的東西掉落

書本啦文具啦還要麻煩我替他撿起

忙碌了大半天終於挨到要下課了

講堂外的天卻不作美、烏雲密佈

還不時傳來刺耳的轟隆聲

步出課室后才發覺外頭刮起了大風

霹靂巴拉的雨點咻咻的風聲

我的腳踏車派不上用場啦只好留它在學校

雨很大

巴士也還未到時間開車

就到湖邊的飯廳解決我的晚餐

坐在面向湖的位置

望著湖面被風翩起了陣陣漣漪

被薄霧籠罩著的湖面真漂亮

聽著風

看著湖

吃著飯

真寫意

風勢轉小了

巴士依舊還未開動

捲起了褲腳今天就來個雨中漫步吧

但卻是撐起雨傘的那種漫步:D

緩緩走在雨中

路過的車輛不時激起路面上的水花

一個不小心就得吃屎了

因為地面上的牛糞與水融合，噁心

蠻享受這樣的生活

是有些沉悶但卻能從中取樂

也讓那顆心靜下沉思

請把不改放在腦里的那切放下吧

別再沉醉別再回憶了

聽著你的那些歌

時間竟過得如此得快

一天一天過

我做了些什麽

翻著你的照片

聽著你的歌

流著淚

原來你也會聽這些悲情的歌曲

是你經歷了什麼嗎?

我無權過問

請振作起來吧

我沒有太多時間可以再浪費了

什麽該做什麽不該難道就分不清楚麼

希望一切順利

你也一樣

他

怎麼了、我又怎麼了

那強烈的失落感不斷地侵蝕著我

尤其在想起你那臉孔時

我就失控落淚

好多的曾經

不只是你

還有以往我經曆的那些時光

我的朋友我的家人

我好想念吉隆坡

真的不想繼續留在這裡!!!

只怪自己的不爭氣我離不開

就在昨晚

掙扎了很久

我依舊重蹈覆轍

去打聽起你的消息了

你有著快樂的生活

那燦爛的笑容

自信的眼神

你過的真好

以往那個我回來了

失控的我

消極的我

沉浸在回憶的我

我也想過的很好

大聲地告訴人們我真的很好

拷貝下了你的生活照

也許我很瘋狂

但只有看到你那堅定的眼神

我才能勉勵自己好好活下去

也只因為你

我才激起了對未來的期望

也許有那麼一天

就那麼一天我多年的堅持是值得的

雨。天

下雨的黃昏天

暗黑寂靜的樓梯級

半掩的底樓房門

心底那無名的恐懼升起

一隻闖進客廳避雨的貓咪

被它的影子嚇了一跳

盯著它看了看發覺它那跟人類輪廓有些相識的臉孔

不禁豎起了毛骨悚然的感覺

是我恐怖小說看太多了嗎

那是我自幼的本性

其實就連在自己的住家我也不會摸黑

下樓、上廁所、喝水或獨自呆在樓下

那可不是我

沒辦法

就是要學習堅強

誰說我定得依賴誰

再說家裡我是獨女

也許以後只剩下我一個人時還是得面對

爲了我的肚子

沒辦法

我愛雨天

但老天爺

請別在接近夜晚黑天時才下雨，好嗎

=(

夢

這是我第一次在這裡度過我的第一個週末

沒什麼儘管有些寂寞卻早也習慣了

原來遠離人群可以讓自己更專心

原來遠離人群可以讓自己更獨立

原來遠離人群后那顆心竟可以如此平靜

本就不是個愛熱鬧的人

就算如何努力裝都好我依舊屬於孤獨一族

就算融入了我依舊不是中心點，何必呢

寂靜，也是一種修心

昨晚做了個夢

夢裡有你

你和我

那是多麼歡悅的時刻

醒來時我竟是笑著的

但過後那無底的寂寞感卻侵襲著我

你那分明的輪廓

那爽朗的笑容

健碩的胸膛

以及厚厚的大掌

溫暖了我逐漸失溫的心

至少在夢裡我們是如此要好

都多少年了

十年了啊

你竟還是佔據著我心的一部份

有股想哭的衝動

心底老是充滿了莫名的激動

一件小小的事我竟會感動落淚

其實我真的沒那麼堅強

卻不得不繼續裝下去

多麼希望那場夢可以成真

多麼希望我們能像以往般保持聯繫

你偶爾的關心會是我的驅動力

就算是一封簡訊我也會整天笑不攏嘴

夢啊~~

又有誰人可以讓我的夢不再只是一個夢嗎?

L.I.F.E

Obsessed with movie and music that kinda old..

Never listen to this kind of song before before but found out that its quite nice too

Comparing with today's fast beat music

It is peace when listen to it

Thou i am not that old

Those 1990's HK movie became my favourite

So do the songs appeared inside it

Found that time passes just like seconds..

Few blinks of eye it's a year time..

I am getting older and older..

From memorable 15 yo to now i am 22yo

and next year will be my 23th

Keep persisting myself that everything will be fine

I am gotta make used my time wisely and leaving this hell place

Now only i realized..

The reason to keep you stay in a place is not the place itself

but are the people of the place

I have no more reason to miss this place that once i loved so much

I started to get homesick and miss KL so much

When a person started to miss their home

it means that the person has gone through a lots and grew up..

This is what we called life

We fall

We learnt

and we get up

Life is an endless story with unknown future

How's life?

just live and you will see

訴

很快地來到了新的一年

所謂舊的不去新的不來

不再執著于那些放不下的曾經

他的話提醒了我——我值得更好的將來

她的話喚醒了我——與其盲目地付出、包攬，也許離開是最好的

白白浪費了珍貴的青春

一次又一次的我始終栽在同一個錯處

friendship is a process of give and take

it doesn't mind that you give and people take

but yet when you give more than you take,you'll be unbalanced

輔導員給予的一番話

勵志刊物裡的一行字

深深地牽動著那脆弱的心弦

覺悟

every person has his very own opinion

there is no exact true or false

but you must learn to accept other's opinion to survive

雖說我也有錯

但事實上是誰遺棄誰我會銘記在心

人不為己天誅地滅

在乎那麼多幹什麼

我終於學會了——為自己

雖然偶爾那緊繃的情緒困擾著我

思緒混亂、心跳加速

但深深呼一口氣之後那暢快是不曾的

遠離了是非之地我無須在拘束于——承受

一個人的負擔已足夠，我不需扛上所有

今天發生了很多

反復回想

反復自責

反復反省

翻閱著勵志讀物不禁淚流

一個人坐在人來人往的火車站

習習的涼風迎面

喧嘩的鬧市與冷清的家形成了對比

我喜愛對比

那是一種極端

喜與樂

黑與白

從來不存在著灰色地帶

那是我的世界

我可以接受藍色、青色、紅色甚至七彩

但絕不接受灰色

這是我的原則

瞥見一個依稀熟悉的背影

他的一舉一動極像那個你

那一霎那我不禁心跳漏了一拍

以往那曾經一股腦兒充滿我的思緒

我著迷于的那笑容那姿態

火車站那角落里

我淚水不禁打滾

真的好久不見了

不知多少回我幻想著與你的重逢

不知多少回我相信著你會在不遠處守護著

我知道這是不可能但我依舊堅持

是那堅持給予我力量

生存下去的力量

是我的不爭氣造就了今天的我

我挽回不了失去的時光

但卻會努力儞補現在的不足

等著瞧吧

兩年後的一天

我會面帶笑容站在你面前讓你眼前一亮

而不會再是那個懦弱邋遢一成不變的我

就兩年吧

my destination

終於，我一個人提前到站下車

人群零落的街頭只有我孤身一人背著包包

人來人往都是成雙或一大堆的

嘻嘻哈哈打打鬧鬧

這就是對比

他們無法明瞭的對比

這一次我不會再妥協

什麽是朋友

朋友就是在你為難關頭不但不伸出援手的人

而且還落井下石在一旁嘲笑你幸災樂禍的人

一大堆的癥狀

就連平日少聯繫的媽媽也看得出的癥狀

朋友卻視而無睹

不但撇下你獨自一人不管

還要做出些令你心如刀割的動作

他說你無理

他說你過分

他說對你失去耐性

卻沒人會關心道：你還好嗎？怎麼了?

沒人會去聯想那是憂鬱癥的癥狀

我多疑

我敏感

我失控

我崩潰

我大哭

我大喊

我顫抖

我呆望著窗外

看著車來車往

看著他們一次又一次把我獨自遺棄在內

我坐在房內裝著不在乎

他們的小聲說大聲笑刺激著我

他們說別關上門別隔絕自己

我敞開著房門，大大的

卻沒人會進來關懷一番

我能不關門嗎

*對比*

我躲在桌子底下捂住嘴失聲痛哭

三小時不間斷地嘗試控制情緒

還丟東西發洩

而他們就走進來大聲問道：你到底想怎樣！！！

他們說：你不主動，別老是怪人，想下自己的態度！！！

他們總說，這都是我的錯

難道患上憂鬱癥也是我的錯嗎

他們竟然期待一個憂鬱癥患者還有一點自閉的人

去主動加入他們，荒謬

他們那冷漠的態度令我卻步

我所能依靠的有誰人

心理治療師曾告訴我盡可能別獨處

他們卻偏偏讓我獨處

心理治療師告訴我要身邊的朋友多些關懷我

我也曾向他們提出可以多陪我說話嗎

我卻是全屋子最安靜的那個

就像被遺棄後宮的妃子似的

我的房間冷清清的

就像冷宮

躲在桌子底下那刻

拿起了利剪劃著手腕

他們每大笑一次

我的心就痛一次

也劃一次

直到鮮血綻放如花

直到感覺那痛楚

我才會害怕

值得嗎

爸媽年邁的臉孔浮現我腦海裡

21歲年華就這樣被他們毀了，值得嗎？

掙扎著在理智與失控之間

洗衣藥水

成排的藥丸

以及那上鎖的鐵花

到最後我決心深深一劃

在手腕處划了一刀

就特地避開血管

我要的是覺悟

最後一次如此糟蹋自己

我依舊失控

他們也這樣走了

一句不說出門去了

我大哭

蹲在地上嚎哭

也撥電回家說我要回家

把媽媽嚇了一跳

背著大小包行李

一個人坐在巴士站

旁晚的夕陽很美，風很涼

只有腳底下那長長的影子跟隨著我

第一次乘巴士回家

忽然，就那麼突然

天空下起了綿綿細雨

還伴著嚇人的閃電

巴士行駛在崎嶇的道路上

搖搖擺擺的

一路上也暗暗的

忽然一個念頭

要是巴士失控來了個意外多好

我從來未嘗試過出意外的滋味

車上人不多

坐在最後座哽咽痛哭

手上的傷口提醒著我要堅強

窗外景物飄過

世界如此的大

我的心卻荒涼一片

像那無止盡的黑夜吞噬著大地

是他們

把我搞得一團糟

是他們

我付出了真心

卻也買了個教訓叫防人之心不可無

不是所有事都如我想像中那麼簡單

一個人離家背井讀書難免會有些壓力

面對著這複雜的世界也難怪報章上常出現放棄生命的例子

他們心裡所想的並不是你旁人能明白的

既然沒人願意伸出援手那離開是最好的

但我卻顧忌年邁的雙親

他們含辛茹苦地養大我

21年付出了多少

坐在人來人往的街上

看著天真無邪的孩子們

我這樣想著

時光匆匆

快邁入22年華我依舊期望一切會很好

儘管這21年來我受盡了委屈

儘管21年以來沒有一個真正的朋友

儘管21年以來沒人曾經為我慶祝過生日

我依舊相信只要我存活這世界上一切都會有所改變

沒有他們的扶持，就算了

接下來的日子難熬，也算了

我依舊等待

等待一個時機

等待一個對象

等待我的幸福

我哭了整整5天

我精神糜萎不振了5天

我悲痛欲絕了5天够了嗎

媽媽，對不起呀

讓你擔心了

明天考完試后就會去見學校心理輔導員

好好討論下我的前途及解決心理的傷痛

2011年，一個不好的一年就快過去了

希望從此以後我不需為無謂的人左右我的一切

開開心心活下去

等待

人家總說，記憶好的人并不會快樂

人家總說，念舊的人並不會過的很好

那心情，沒人會體會到

刀不割到肉是不會瞭解那到底有多疼

我只知道，身處孤軍作戰情況之下我得比誰都堅強

我無時不記起那些曾經

被忽略的畫面一遍遍在腦海重演

友情或愛情上我都處於被動態

我總是在擔憂無時不為對方著想

就只怕一表態后那些美好會隨之消逝

我忍讓退讓還裝著不在乎

殊不知心中那股委屈早已生根

你說的每一句話我都銘記在心

你的每個笑容每個模樣我也謹記在心

寂靜的夜晚里我總愛緬懷過去

翻閱你寫給我的文字

翻閱你最近的狀態及照片

發覺，我從不曾擁有過誰

你總不斷地離我遠去

一次又一次地撩起我心中的傷痛

每當我心靜如水不再為你激起漣漪時

你總愛再次出現打擾我平靜的生活

我從來什麽都不是

永遠也只有陪襯在旁的份

讓你消磨打發時間

歷史在重演但我卻心甘情願墮入深淵

近10年的時間我從來都沒變

每每心疼之際都告訴自己我不能比你軟弱

我一定要過的比你好千萬倍

我要告訴你沒了你我一樣很好

可那些都是騙人的話

我根本硬不起來狠不下心實現我的諾言

那只是在自己哭的稀裡嘩啦之際自我安慰的方法

一次又一次的失望我真的希望有一天你會告訴我你願意為我停留

告訴我你錯了也感激我的體諒及守候

可我知道你不會

其他人也不會

發出文字那一刻回憶不斷

這情節到底還要重演多久

我始終抱著希望

卻也變成了失望

我深信沒多久你又會再次消失在我的生命里

就算我多麼努力也留不住你只能奉陪這場遊戲

你說：有什麽事可以找你傾訴無論多夜也不會忽略我

他說：你是搭客不是過客搭上了你這趟巴士

你說：每天早晨給我一個morning call說聲早喚我上學

他說：親愛的，讓我牽著你的手一起越過繁忙的市區吧

難道你就不知道這些話對我意義非凡嗎

你知道接到你電話那刻我的心情是多麼的雀躍嗎

牽起你手那一刻是那麼幸福的事

寬厚的掌心溫暖的手是我的倚靠

那些曾經我都緊緊記牢回味

諾言，算的了什麽?

其實，我就是一位過客

在眾多人的世界里走過了一圈

是時候到站下車了

lonely

i just hate the feeling to be left alone in the house..

i just hate the feeling when i am just like vanish in yours life and no one care

i just hate to stay alone like an idiot hanging out alone like idiot without people to be with

i hate

i just hate

but what else i can do

i am just out of your life

i am just leave behind

the wise one

i am mad

i am sad

the moment you out without asking or telling me

and i was like an idiot being left behind

looking at the window seeing you leave and waiting you back

no one will know how lonely the feeling was like

i am just alone!!!!!

you speak and laugh loud outside my room

and i just can listen to your joy but who cares me

i tried to join and every time i join i felt that i am the wise one

no one will truly listen and care whether i am there or not

scene without me there you are having much fun

i just dont want to stay alone in the house

i just dont want to be the neglected one

i dont!!!!

i am hurt

and who can i talk to

i keep on yelling and cried loud the moment i was left alone

i am gonna crazy and who cares

i was left with no one

facing the computer

and nothing can entertain me

ghost are chatting with me

i just need a listening ear

i just need bunch of love and care

every time i walk or cycle i am always the one being left behind

but when you all cycle or walk there are always partner side by side and having fun

and i have noticed for many times ,who cares the wise me

my parents wont listen to me

whenever i wanna share my happiness or daily happening

they just dont listen

and my dad will always scold me half way i told the story

i never finish the haapening he just blame that i was wrong

hey,i am telling the thing i met on the way i drive back home

and he just scold me why you drive out and always make trouble

i dint involve in accident

i dint broke the car

and he just blame

keep on blaming

i wanted so much to share

but no one will do

i just can keep all that in my heart

no one will care

every time i tell myself all will be fine

but it was not

and will not

i hide in the cyber cafe since no one cares

i hang out alone since no one care

no one will know how lonely am i

i tried not to mention in front of u all

i know u all hated me

saying that i am childish and always making trouble

you are not me

and wont understand what was playing in my mind

i totally have nobody to talk to

every time i listen to the joy of you all

i just cant control myself from thinking these

even my parents also dont care

will you

the answer is totally a not

what i have was only you

and now i am not in it

every time same

i also hope there are friendship forever

but that is not suitable to apply on me

when time comes all gone

and i am just left alone

again

烏龜

就如一隻小烏龜般的

小心翼翼地探頭摸索這世界

卻膽小懦弱深怕一個不小心被踩得粉身碎骨

窗外廣闊的世界是它的嚮往

可到最後

它還是得藏進那黑暗的龜殼里

它的保護殼

失

從一個品學兼優的模範生

被四周的人擁戴羡慕著也被視為榜樣

到如今墮落的一蹶不起也漸漸地失去光環

我不再是個中心點

thoughts#2

once upon a time

she used to laugh happily

and there was nothing for her to worry about

she had lots of friends and there were people to share her happiness

as time passed

she gone through a lots

and the happenings changed her

into a easily hurt and fragile her

it leads her to become a more silence and cold blooded person

to hide and protect herself from getting hurt

the relationship couldn't be trusted

so were the people that faking around

this is the adult world and was totally different with the previous world

she cares

but just the way she show her concern cannot be understood by others

and there was no one trying to understand her and get into her world

she have to walk out from the world that she used to familiar with

and she scares

she timid

it was a totally a strange world for her to enter

and she has no confident to survive in such a world

a reality world without protection

she emos

she hope that there were someone could sense her fears

and would spend times to get her along on the way she steps into the new world

she hope that she can met with someone that have the same thinking like her

and would always be there for her when she was in troubles or difficulties

and there were no one for her to depend to

to survive and adapt to this whole new world

she have to be tough and live with a strong heart

she think of her family in a sudden

and everytime she received calls from her family

she would be extra happy and get touched

no one will be better in this world compare with her own family member

they are the one who will totally compromise and tolerate with her

and support her no matter what she did

under her tough faces

there is still a fragile heart and she wouldn't easily show it to others

it was her last protection and she hope could defence it

few times she collapsed and exposed her easily hurted heart

and it was a bad experience to her

yet she persuade herself that she is unbeatable

and will live well in this world

so that people would not look down upon her

for those who treat her well she will repay back with her own way

and for those who offended her she will repay back twice too

these were the living priciple for her to survive in this world

and no one is to deny what she did as they are not qualified to do so

cause they are outside her world and have no rights to disturb her own surviving law

dont ever ask a person to walk out from her world as she already used to it

dont ever try to deny her and saying that she is stubborn to live in her own world

vice versa dont you ever think of to walk into her world and adapt to her

accept her

self identify her

and one day she will discover that her world is the same with others too

棄

我只知道自己是個不討人喜愛的孩子

從小至今都如此

因此

我那倔強的自尊心作祟

也特別的敏感

沒什麼

當你嘗試過被遺棄的滋味后

就會明瞭

寂寞

終於真正體驗到了那如此深入心扉的寂寞感

翻開手機通訊錄竟然沒有一個人可以傾訴

登入了msn通訊yahoo面子書

哪怕是不比以往頻密

那聊天顯示提示音也不再響起

就連要找個人聊聊也那麼難難嗎

只好自己躲在屬於我的空間里

以音樂連續劇及眼淚麻醉自己

我也想在遇到困難時有人可以為我雙肋插刀在所不惜

我也希望能有個人可以無論什麽事都永遠站在我這一旁，撐我挺我

我就是那麼希望我可以是你們的中心——那份歡樂那份分享

可我什麽都不是

原來連我也看得穿自己

那可悲的寂寞無盡地吞噬著我

沒人願意停下那我根本跟不上的腳步

哪怕停下那一會兒讓我追上也沒有

就那麼永遠地我是被遺棄在最後頭的那位

大家都嚮往著前方的歡樂以致忘卻了後頭那心酸悲哀

我所做的每一件事從來得不到他人完全的認同

我說的每一句話根本不會有人放在心上

頻頻失控的情緒這個學期我控制得很好

我只學會了視而不見

而這一路上根本無人認同

人前我無所謂但背後那淚水無人知曉

接近頻臨崩潰的邊緣

就連哭泣發洩我都得躲在角落暗自療傷

頻密的發呆頻密地自我安慰沒事的我只是還未遇上知我的伯樂

在那我發呆遊神的當兒心底那傷口早已埫開了不知多少回

得學會更加的堅強

這世上，根本沒人值得我去付出真心

出來社會那段日子見識了不少可爲什麽我還傻得要那麼做

換來的只是傷痕累累的心

和我不想說出口的一些話

多麼想狠狠地斬斷那一絲的聯繫

多麼的想發飈爆粗可我還是忍住了

是失望

根本不值得我花那麼多心思去在乎關注

我那氾濫的寂寞

只把我跟這世界隔絕得更遠

泄

凌晨213am

俯身電腦桌前

就是不肯入睡

考完了月考，有些累

畢業，離我好遙遠

但我會繼續努力儞補之前的不爭氣

很努力的去證明自己

我才不要衰給某些人被瞧不起

空蕩蕩的內心

就是沒有以前那股推動力

是缺少了什麽嗎?

發覺自己越漸孤僻了

有些厭倦人群的喧鬧

置身人群裡真的有股衝動要大喊

甚至有打人的衝動

可以安靜下來嗎?

今日中午在考場就有爆發的衝動

人群啊，我可以遠離你嗎

自認做每件事都會為周圍的人著想

我不愧天不愧地也對得起任何一方

怎麼就有些自私的人存在這世上呢

非但不挑起自身的責任還要多管閒事做些有的沒的

原來會為人著想并不是一件好事

非但沒人會感激你還會被責怪

這樣生活下去真的好辛苦

無時無刻警戒著自己

我能不能這樣做後果會如何?

可有麻煩到他人嗎?

無時無刻為自己也為他人豎起一個榜樣

我嚴格要求潔淨完美

自然會做好自己份內的事

努力地維持著我一路的堅持

爲什麽世界上我還是要跟隨著服從著他人居多

還差不多每次都得要退步忍讓

難道就沒人可以跟隨我的腳步嗎

我待人處世我一路的堅持難道是錯的嗎

他人總在試圖改變我的性格習慣

可就沒人主動認同我的方案并試圖融入嗎

真搞不懂

stupid again

it has been a long long time

and i still couldn't stop myself from doing stupid things

pressing your number and yet i not dare to click on the 【call】button

i remembered all you told me

i remembered how you smile and share your happiness with me

i remembered the time we chit chat till late night and

you said a GOOD NIGHT

thanks for your very first GOOD NIGHT to me..

it's really meaningful cause you're special to me

i miss the GOOD NIGHT

from you

(>.<)

be tough

be tough..!!

i am the only one that i can depend to

and no one will do..

be tough..!!

i am the only one that feel the pain and overcome it

and no one will do..

be tough please..!!!

if i am not tough enough

who will be there to feel my pain and let me to rely on?

NO ONE WILL DO~~

no way

i am not perfect..

so are you

please stop acting like you are the perfect one

and force me to go by your way

every time i have to listen to your wordy mumbling

asking me to act like this and that

i have my own way to do things..

i have my own thoughts..

who are you to point out that i am wrong?

who are you to deny everything i did?

i am not gonna listen to a person that are weaker than me

and less perfect than me..

so make sure your hands are clean before pointing at me

and telling me that i should go by your way..

NO WAY!!!

thoughts#1

time passed..

and i am still here

doing nothing at all

The moment i seek for HOD advises

although he is pissing me off

i think a lot why am i having this terrible results?

THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANT!!!

positive learning attitude please come back to me

please stop me from falling apart..

i really needs motivation to go on..

god bless me