phobia

Exam phobia recently
especially a day before exam..
my heart beats fast
unknown fear deep inside my heart

finish my first paper..
first sight look at the question I think its easy
then when I proceed
GOSH!!it spent my lots of time to complete the single income statement
end up in behind I dont have enough time to continue
roughly state out last few answer..
due to limited time I started to panic and it's a mess I did

dont have the confidence that I could pass this paper..
I just at the side line and any single mistake that cause mark lost will kill me
I am done with you, stupid accounting stuff!!
why I cant just be like those pro can balance up perfectly,nicely?!!!

relief after I pass up the paper..
finally it ended..
but when think of the possibility I will have to repeat the subject again..
really feel like my brain want explode and gonna vomit
hated accounting subject all the time!!

heading for my second paper tomorrow
felt that its quite easy too
but dont know why,I am just in stress mood..
dont even feel like want to have my last revision on that

fears...
afraid..
timid..
all keep playing in my mind now

when think of my future,my brain turn blank..
and super uncomfortable
it is just like a ghost haunted me non-stop
when the paper ended, its the most joyful and relief moment of mine
however, the time I start to do my next revision that awful feeling come back again..

sometimes I just live happily by auto rejecting those negative things outside my mind
but when come to some times that I have to face it, I am helpless!!
life should be wonderful but not keep haunted by those god damn things!!

gonna heart attack soon..!!
I beg you my dear heart, stop beating fast like being chased a monster behind..
its just an exam and nothing much to be afraid of..
where is the steady you?!!
where is the cool calm you?!!

totally sick when it come to exam weeks..
disspointed that I spent that much time
and in fact I can understand and do the exercise alone
why should I doomed in my paper just now?
I have to do better next time!!